Posted in Food sparks

Guten tag, McBurger

I work with a very nice German lass called Kristina. One day, we were in the kitchen talking about McDonald’s (as you do) and Kristina was raving about how much better McDonald’s is in Germany. I noted the existence of something called the ‘McOz’ burger (I think it’s the addition of beetroot that the marketers think makes it an authentic Australian burger) and expected Kristina to admit defeat. But, nein – Kristina laughed heartily and began to tell me all about German McDonald’s, a magical place where you can drink beer with your meal (presumably not with Happy Meals)…

German McDonald’s recently held a competition for the general public to name some new burgers on the menu. The winner was the new McPanther burger, on a cheese & onion bread roll, with mozzarella, beef, bacon & smokey tomato sauce. No panther, it turns out, just traditional beef. Laws for deceptive & misleading advertising mustn’t be quite as tight in ol’ Deutschland.

Then there is the fantastically named Crockstahzumjot. Kristina said there was no translation for this word, which is fine by me. But then I googled it – turns out that before it was a rockin’ burger, Crockstahzumjot was a rockin’ band. Their 2012 tour is called Hip Teens Wear Tight Jeans. Uh huh. The burger itself is pretty fancy – crispy chicken and bacon on ciabatta bread. Ciabatta bread, if you don’t mind! According to the website, this burger will be available later this month, from what I can gather with my limited German skills.

Then there is another great name – the Lauginator. Sounds like the Terminator only tastier, with cured ham and Italian grana pardano cheese. The bun, you ask? Why, it’s made of pretzel bread. That’s right, your burger is nestled onto a bun that is really A GIANT PRETZEL. Genius. Sadly, this came last in the public vote and its creator, Bastian K, will never see his dream become reality.

Then there is the McHaudegen, which came fourth in the public vote – sesame roll, three layers of beef, honey mustard sauce and bacon. I think it got lots of votes because the photo on the website shows its inventor, Sven G, standing behind the burger. And Sven is a big guy, covered in tattoos.

Then there is McOerms, which will also be available at the end of this month – it’s a spicy little number, featuring (according to my trusty translator Kristina), “jalapenos, chorizo, beef, curry chilli sauce, beef”. It seems there is no translation for ‘oerms’ either, but the combination of ingredients makes me think it is possibly either ‘yuck’ or ‘ouch’.

In addition to the wacky competition and the occasional theme-menu options (Mexican, Asian etc) that Kristina assures me are big deals, German McDonald’s has a McWrap with prawns, a McRib with marinated pork ribs and a Veggieburger on the standard menu. Crikey.

Ich bin am ende! (That’s “I give up!” in German. I think.)

Posted in Food sparks, WWWhat?

Konnichiwa, teeny burgers!

I think I would fit in well in Japan. From the fashion to the technology to the kitschy toys to answering the phone with ‘moshi moshi’ – so much about it seems to be my kind of kooky. Then I remember that I am one of those uncool weirdos who doesn’t actually like sushi or sashimi, so maybe I wouldn’t be such a good fit after all. And then I see a product like this and think: honey, I’m home.

The perfect gift, the perfect cooking class, the perfect snack – all in one little brightly coloured box from the good people at Kracie. It’s from their Happy Kitchen range, which also offers donut, cupcake and cookie kits. But this one is special – teeny tiny burgers (including cheese and ketchup), fries and cola. Apparently, it tastes “just like the real thing”, but with only 96 calories… Our friends at Jbox suggest that you ‘pick up a few sets and start your own hamburger stand at the next school festival or birthday party’, though after looking into it, I reckon you’d need to import a few thousand cases if you’re catering for more than two of your closest pals.

You really need to watch the You Tube clip to get the full Happy Kitchen experience – there’s no celebrity chef, no annoying background music, just the crinkle and snap of the Happy Kitchen hamburger kit coming to life before your very eyes.

Whether you love the kookiness of Happy Kitchen or you’re just the laziest cook in town, buy up big from Jbox and host your own teeny tiny McDinner parties!